Just For Laugh!

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 . Now it is 6610"

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Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

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Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

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Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

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Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

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Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."

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Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."

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How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

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Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

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Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"

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Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."

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A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AMs

Where is my trolley?

This happened couple of years ago when I'm working at this furniture company. Heard about 'it' many times over the year while working there. But never took it seriously (because the more you think about it the more it scares you..get what I mean?).

Warehouse is always a scary place to me. With huge boxes and big pallets on top of the shelving, the place can be soooo eerieeee too when no one around. The atmosphere enough to make the back of our neck stands whenever you are alone. Agree?

Big frames..small frames..posters and cookshop items were all located at 3rd floor. While all the big furnitures located at 5th floor. Rumour has it. They say 5th floor is more 'keras' than the 3rd floor. Never go there alone after 6pm (because you may have unwanted 'company' and see 'flying' plant pot jumping down the shelves). Worse still....the 'kakak' will approach you!!!

I will not step my feet on 5th floor without being company by the logistic people (or colleague). And to make the story short...........it happened one day on 3rd floor....hehehehe.

I went to the 3rd floor because a customer want a 140 x 200cm pict frames. Damn...I never liked this pict frame (b'coz it's bigger than me). Many times I received a 'compliment' from customers as the 'walking frames'...hehehehe. Beside hate that pict frame I also hate going to the warehouse alone. Seeing all stocks being placed high up above me..it always scare me (afraid it fall on top of me). So on that particular day, somewhere around 6:30pm I went there all by myself. I took a flat trolley at the loading bay and made my way up to the 3rd floor. When the lift door opened, I'd saw few logistic staffs busy doing their job (loading/unloading the stocks). Fuhhhhhh..I'm not alone after all. I'd smile as I walked passed them and pushing my flat trolley.

As soon as I reached the frames area, I saw lots of cartons and boxes stack up on the pallets (blocking the frames). I had no choice but to leave the trolley at the side and climb up the boxes (to go across). So I climbed up the boxes and pulled the frame out. Waaalaaaaaa...there it goes. I managed to carry it out by pushing it bit by bit. And when I turned to put the frame..............it's gone. My big flat trolley disappear in thin air. Within a few sec it was gone leaving no trace of being pull or push by other people. I walked a few steps ahead to check...nothing. It wasn't there. I went to the lift and asked the guy if they saw or took my trolley? None of them took it or see any flat trolley around. And the best part is when I asked one of them (the guy whom I smile at while passing by). Haaaaaaaa....a friendly smile eh and not seducing kinda smile...hehehehe. And you know what he said? He didn't see any trolley around (nor push it) and what shocked me most is when he said..."I never see you push any trolley when you walked out of the lift."

"Mak datuk" ???(kan perkataan melayu aku dah terkeluar....hehehe). What is he trying to say here? I walked out of the lift empty handed? Biar betollllllll..!!!

It's okay if my trolley gone. I don't mind going back down to get another trolley and bring it up, but what kind of 'bull-shit' is he talking about? Saying that I'm walking out of the lift empty-handed??? Nope...I'm not mad with the guy because I knew he was telling the truth. I would've notice if someone took or pushed my trolley away (because a trolley will make sound when it move on uneven surface/floor). It just that the 'thing' wanna play hide and seek with me.

So I went down again to get another trolley and make sure that this time my trolley has no legs....hahahahaha.

PS: Until now (to think of it) I wonder if my trolley really disappear or if the trolley is the............tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu (twilight zone theme).

You tell me....

- Raven

A Dead Rat

As usual...after I send my gerl to school, I went to Kopitiam for breakfast (butter-kaya toast with kopi 'katai'). Then I went to 'this' supermarket to buy some french bean and chicken sausage (for me to cook later). While heading the the frozen area, I saw a dead rat under the shelves near the can foods. Of coz it shocked me because I would've accidently step or kick it. I'm not afraid of rats but it might scare others people who afraid of this little "Ben."

So while paying for my stuffs.. I'd alert the cashier about the dead rat. Apparently...no reaction from her!!!

Thought maybe she didn't hear me, I'd repeat again and even pointed to the area and we even made an eyes contact. But she didn't seems to care or say anything. Then I heard..."ching-chong...ching-chong" (a conversation she made with her colleague). Her colleague then looked at me like 'I am the dead rat'.

I didn't say anything after that as I just grabbed my stuff and walked away. Both eyes still looking at me when I made my way in (to go back inside the store) to shot this picture (of coz no one saw me when I took this pic..hehehe).

No...I'm not trying to be 'kay-poh' but just being friendly by letting the cashier know about the dead rat b'coz it might scare hell out of other people who's afraid of 'little ben'.

As I walked out the supermarket...I'd felt "stupid" ...more than the stupid cashier itself!!!

Moral of the story: ??? or "shut-up zakiah..M.Y.O.B next time!

- Raven

About last night.....

Last night while resting (after studying all day) mom came out and took our pictures...

"Betty wake up..mom is here to take our pic"

"Do you hear me?"

"Heyy..i said wake-up u fool !! "

"Hey betty are you ok? Ohh ok..i can hear ur heart beat"..sighhhh!!! (sigh of relieve.. =)

Bole tolong tak?

Hi MP frenz...

Sesiapa yg sudi menghulurkan bantuan pada saya yg amat memerlukan bantuan anda ketika ini, sangat2 la saya menghargainye.

Telah lama saya mencoba utk DOWNLOAD lagu2 di Emeem...tetapi hingga sekarang tak pas-pas...haizzzzz.

Suspen tak? hahahahaha...suspenkan? Hehehehe...sorry ah...saya gurau je!! (di pagi Isnin ni....). Jangan marah

Honestly..... dah berjam-jam saya duduk kat kerusi ni dan berpeluh2 saya cuba utk memasukkan lagu di site saya ni, tapi tak berjaya. Seandainye tuan dan puan ada masa 'free'...tolonglah ajar saya bagaimana nak masukkan lagu (coz lagu kat emeem banyak dan gerek-gerek).

Pertolongan anda sangat-sangat saya HARGAI..... (deep in my heart).

Sekian......terima kasih!

- Raven

Pantun Si Selamat

After the toilet break, the search goes on.....

Di suatu malam sunyi sepi
Polis menerima maklumat terkini
Seorang lelaki sedang bersembunyi
Dalam hutan simpanan Macritchie

Polis mengambil tindakan segera
Ratusan anggota bersiap sedia
Kawasan dikepung serta merta
Pasukan anjing dibawa bersama

Pihak polis membuat andaian
Lelaki tersebut seorang buruan
Telah lari dari tahanan
Sudah menghilang hampir sebulan.

Kawasan hutan terus diredah
Semak dan samun semua digeledah
Helikopter peninjau turut dikerah
Pasukan keselamatan semakin bertambah.

Di suatu kawasan yang banyak liku
Polis menjumpai satu garpu
Anjing pengesan disuruh hidu
Menjejaki arah orang yang diburu.

Akhirnya lelaki dapat dikesan
Masih bersemadi di tempat persembunyian
Di pondok usang yang tidak berbumbung
Kawasan pondok terus dikepung

Polis melaungkan kata amaran
Jangan cuba hendak melawan.
Menyerah diri sebaik pilihan
Itu saja satu-satunya jalan.

Anggota keselamatan diberi arahan
Jangan lepaskan sebarang tembakan.
Supaya buruan dapat ditawan
Tanpa sebarang jiwa terkorban.

Buruan keluar dari persembunyian.
Sambil mengangkat kedua tangan
Menyerah diri meminta kasihan
Garfu di tangan tidak dilepaskan.

Pihak polis merasa hairan
Garfu yang dijumpa apakah kaitan?
Kelihatan sama jika dibandingkan.
Polis melontarkan satu soalan.

"Are you Mas Selamat?"

Lelaki menjawab :

"No, I am not Mas Selamat, I am Kassim Selamat"
"I still love my wife, Sabariah"
"But she is now married to Dr Ismadi"
"This is all because of Ibu Mertuaku"
"I am heart-broken. I want to become blind again"
"I want to poke my eyes with two forks, but I lost the other fork" "I
have been searching for it since afternoon......!!"

Hahahaha.......

Emak ku pesakit Demensia

Emak-ku seorang pesakit Demesia (dementia). Demensia adalah sejenis masalah penyakit yg berkaitan dgn daya ingatan yg disebabkan oleh kematian sel2 otak secara abnormal.

Hari-hari yg beliau lalui selalunye sama. Sekiranye cerita "50 first date" tu hanyalah cerita rekaan semata2, tetapi ini adalah "50 first day" bagi aku, kerana inilah yg benar2 berlaku dlm kehidupan seharianku. Selain sebutan "demensia" (nama scientific-nye) ia juga di kenali sebagai "senile" atau "nyanyuk" dikalangan kita. Beliau sudah berusia 78 tahun dan ini tidak mustahil jika penyakit ini ada pd beliau.

Hari Khamis adalah hari favourite emak aku. Another words.. satu2nye hari yg beliau ingat. Daya ingatan beliau begitu terhad dan perbualan/pertanyaan beliau selalunye sama (repeated question). Perkataan yg sering aku dengar dan perlu jawab adalah..."hari ini hari Rabu ke hari Khamis?". Biarpun beberapa kali aku explain dan sebutkan nama hari pd beliau (contohnye hari ini adalah hari Isnin) emak akan tetap bertanyakan hari ini hari apa? dan tetap akan mengatakan hari ini adalah hari Khamis. Bila tibanye hari Khamis, emak akan mengingatkan aku supaya membuka lampu lebih awal (se-awal 4 ptg). Kata2 yg paling sering/common yg aku dengar adalah..."malam ni malam Jumaat" (uhhhh..kekadang seram juga di-buatnye) .

Selain bertanyakan hari, emak juga tidak lari dari menyebut..."mak minta maaf!!" Pada awalnye aku pelik juga kenapa emak meminta-maaf bila setiap kali ingin melakukan sesuatu, tapi lama-kelamaan perkataan ini tlh menjadi lali (percakapan seharian beliau). Seperti..."mak minta-maaf, mak nak buang air".."mak minta maaf, mak nak ambil air".. "mak minta maaf, mak nak masuk tido".."mak minta maaf, mak nak tengok tv" dan "mak minta maaf, kucing tu jantan ke betina?". Pendek kata...setiap kata yg beliau sebut akan di dahului dgn "mak minta-maaf." Biar pun beberapa kali aku menerangkan pd beliau not to apologise or minta maaf (segalanye) tetapi ini sudah seperti salah satu dari perbualan/sebutan harian beliau (24/7). And this is difficult for me b'coz secara tidak langsung, sebutan/pertanyaan seperti ini akan menimbulkan salah faham/misunderstanding to others (sesetengah pihak).

Selain bertanyakan hari, meminta-maaf, ada juga pertanyaan2 dan sebutan2 lain yg common, repeatedly asked and do. Emak juga suka bermain pintu dan tingkap. Bila aku membuka tingkap, emak akan menutupnye dan vice-versa (bila aku membukanye). Dan bila aku menutup lampu, emak akan membukanye dan begitulah seterusnye..hehehe ; )

Sebagai anak yg bongsu dan satu2nye anak perempuan dlm family, aku bertanggung jawab dlm penjagaan beliau. Dan sebagai anak, isteri dan ibu.. at times this could be very tiring too (it's not easy as it seems though). Setiap hari aku harus memastikan diri aku stabil (berdoa agar diri aku sehat dan jgn jatuh sakit). Dan ini sama sekali tidak sama dari menjaga 5 orang anak. Aku boleh memukul/memarahi anakku seandainye mereka nakal atau tidak mendengar kata. While penjagaan orang tua lain ye, mengeluh dan merungut je dah jadi dosa. Selain pahala (seperti yg sering dikatakan bila sesaorang itu menjaga orang tua mereka) aku juga tidak lari dari melakukan/dpt 'dosa'. Sebagai hamba Allah (aku bukan malaikat) aku juga pernah mengeluh, merungut dan kadang kalanye marah (hipokrit sekiranye aku katakan yg aku tidak pernah marah)...tetapi aku tetap (cuba) melakukan dan memberi yg terbaik untuk emak (suami & anak) dan aku serahkan segalanye pada Allah s.w.t

Walau bagaimana pun aku bersyukur kerana selain penyakit demensia yg beliau alami, emak masih sihat (jauh dari penyakit kencing manis, darah tinggi dll penyakit).

http://www.dementia.com/bgdisplay.jhtml?itemname=dementia_about#What%20is%20dementia?

http://ms.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penyakit_Dementia

Aku..Kau...Dia...

Aku...

Kau...

Dia...

Mereka...

Kita kan sama? (so jangan nak step-mengada2!!!).

Mengapa...mengapa..mengapa...ehhhhhhhhh??? (tiba2 je lagu BDB termasuk dlm kepala aku...hehehe).

Haizzzzzzz...kenapa mesti ada benda2 dan sifat2 mcm ni? Bukankah kita ni sama2 manusia?

Kalau aku terluka...bermakna kau juga bole terluka. (Superman dan Wonder Woman...dorang tu itu fiction semata-mata...kuat & special dlm criter aje). Jikalau darah merah mengalir ditanganku...darah merah juga akan mengalir ditanganmu. Warna yg sama dari tangan yg hanya berbeza warna kulitnya.

Jika aku bisa mengeluarkan angin...begitu juga kamu. Kadang2 ada bau dan kadang tiada, tapi tiada...i repeat...tiada yg mengeluarkan bau "flower" (aku tau ini tidak sepatutnye masuk dlm senarai tapi bukankah ini fact?).

Jika aku mempunyai kesilapan, itu adalah kesilapanku (admit jgn tak admit). Aku..kau..dia..mereka...semua orang ada buat silap (bedek kalau takde...). President Clinton pun ada buat silap (see...president pun buat silap!!!) Tapi kalau dah tau silap masih nak buat lagi...(haaa...tu mmg nak kena 'smack' kat kepala).

Tiada kelebihan pada aku...tiada juga kelebihan pada kamu. Jika ada kelebihan pada diri kita, sebutlah"Alhamdullillah"...kerana itu adalah pemberian Allah.

Jika ada kekurangan pada diri aku..nescaya ada juga pada dirimu. Kerana aku percaya setiap insan ciptaannya tiada yg sempurna. Jangan sesekali kau pandang orang sebelah mata, kerana tuhan memberi kita dua belah biji mata (jadi gunakanlah sebaik2nya). Kassim Selamat tu lain...dia ada mata dan tak bole melihat, tapi hati dia mulia tauuuu!!!

Bongkak..sombong..meninggi diri...itu sema tiada faedahnya. Sebab 'confirm' kawan2 sema satu hari akan lari (see...my cat run!!).

Pangkat dan darjat...heyyyy...tu cuma panggilan aje! (sebab kat rumah kita tetap sama). Macam kata Sudin (dlm Ali Baba Bujang Lapok)...makan di pinggan, minum di cawan dan berak di jamban (opsssss...tu sudin tak kata...aku yg kata...hehehehe).

Mengutuk dan terkutuk...itu lain dan tidak sama. Mengutuk -"you better stop it eh..." dan lihat diri sendiri dicermin, nescaya akan nampak pekong didada. Terkutuk - itu mcm dlm cerita "Malin Kundang" dan "Si Tanggang" ("terkutuk kau Malin"...sappppp....malin kena sambar petir...).

So....beringatlah...bahwa aku...kau...dia...mereka...kita ni sema samaaaa..!!!

PS: Ini ilham tidak ada kena mengena pada yg hidup atau pun yg tiada. Sekiranya ada...ia ada secara kebetulan saja.

- Raven

I Know What You Did at Arnold's....

Hahahahaha....belum cerita je aku dah ketawa lagi. Apa yg nak aku share hari ni ialah tentang kejadian lucu yg berlaku ketika aku dan family pergi makan di Arnold's <<< perhatikan ejaan nama ni baik2 ye...

Seperti biasa selepas aje pesanan kami sampai aku pun sibuk memetik gambar. Petik gambar sana, petik gambar sini. Dah menjadi kebiasaan aku suka mengambil gmbar sebelum kami makan. Tapi apa yg nk aku nak sampaikan disini bukanlah pasal gmbar yg aku ambil, tapi tentang pasangan yg duduk disebelah kami.

Bukanlah niat aku nak 'kepo' tentang Makcik dan Pakcik ni tapi perhatian aku tertumpu kat mereka bila Pakcik(A) ni memulakan perbualannye dgn seorang teman yg kebetulan juga datang ke kedai makan tersebut. Selepas menyambut salam dari kawannye, Pakcik(A) pun berbual2 lah dgn kawannye yg duduk di meja sebelah. Pakcik(A) ni nampak 'rock' sikit la coz rambut nye panjang hingga mencecah bahu walaupun telah di ikat. Perbualan beliau juga agak kuat sehinggakan kami boleh mendengar setiap perbualan mereka (I guess bukan kami saja yg bole mendengar tapi orang2 yg dimeja lain juga bole). Dari perbualan beliau aku mendapat tahu yg Pakcik(A) ni dah 20 tahun tidak berkunjung ke Arnold's. Selepas berbual2 makanan yg beliau pesan pun tiba. Perbualan mereka terhenti di situ kerana Pakcik(A) dah nk start makan, manakala Pakcik(B)baru nk buat ordering.

Ketika aku dah family sibuk menjamu selera, tiba2 aku terdengar perbualan Pakcik(A) berbual dgn sesaorang di talipon bimbitnya (fuhhh...aku dah gunakan perkataan higher mother-tongue ni...). At first aku tak perasan tetapi bila my girl yg duduk disebelah aku dah tersenyum2 kambing, aku suspect mesti ada yg tidak kena. Seminit selepas tu aku pun terdengar apa yg my girl dengar....

Pakcik: Saya kat Geylang dgn orang rumah saya makan ayam kat Anold.

Mendengarkan kata2nye aku pun understand la kenapa anak aku tersenyum dari tadi. Aku pun action berbual2 dgn my gerl kerana tidak mahu Pakcik kat sebelah kami suspect yg kami ni dah 'spot' dia berbual. Kemudian aku terdengar lagi....

Pakcik: "Ohhhh...dah makan dah. Ahhh? takde la...saya makan 3 spring."

Kali ni aku terus menoleh ke arah beliau dan melihat pinggan makannye. Betol ke Pakcik ni mkn 3 spring ??? (sedangkan kami bertiga makan 1 spring je!!). 3 spring banyak dokkkk... 3 ekor tuu!! . Tenyata apa yg aku dengar dan yg dikatakan oleh Pakcik tu salah. Pakcik tu tak makan 3 spring chicken, tapi hanya makan 3 pcs chicken..hehehehe. Kali ni aku betol2 tak dpt menahan hati lagi. Saappppppp...aku pun berlindung disebelah hubby dan terus ketawa (nasib baik la hubby aku ni besar orangnye, dpt jugak aku berlindung kat sabelah beliau, kalau la dia pun kecik mcm aku...hmmmm...nampak2nye terpaksalah aku masuk bawah meja utk ketawa). My girl yg terlebih awal perasan apa yg berlaku tidak dpt menahan dirinye. Dia terus ketawa sambil menyucuk2 ayam yg kami makan dgn garpunye.

Suami aku yg tengah 'syoik' makan tidak perasan apa yg berlaku. Beliau memandang kami dan bertanya..."kenapa?" Aku cuma menggilingkan kepala dan berkata "later I tell you." Sejurus kemudian barulah my hub perasan apa yg berlaku apabila Pakcik tu menyebut 'anold-anold' beberapa kali.

Buat Pakcik tersebut...MAAF ye!! KAMI tak sengaja nak ketawa tapi dah terdengar. Walau bagaimana pun....."I know what you ate at Anold.. 3 Spring"...hahahahahahaha

Moral of the story 1: Jgn berbual kuat2 apabila sedang makan. Kerana ini akan menyukarkan sebutan yg ingin di sebut (arnold jadi anold...) dan orang akan dengar apa yg dibualkan.

Moral of the story 2 (buat aku): Lain kali kalo makan jgn kepo...pasang ear plug or ear piece, jadi bila orang bebual tak dengar...ahakkkkk!!!